If we have have not healed our conflicts from our childhood we have a propensity for violence

If we have have not healed our conflicts from our childhood we have a propensity for violence — and live looking for a fight. From bickering with a partner to self-destructive behaviour to squabbles at work to outright international warfare, all violence stems from adults who have not addressed the conflicted child within and instead seek revenge outside.

Only adults who have confronted our conflicts and damage —either face-to-face, or more essentially, within our psyches—and resolved our childhood rage can approach conflict in a mature manner. The unhealed, who remain unconscious of childhood betrayals, must idealise their parents. To them, the parents can do no wrong. For that reason they act out their denied rage on others.

Collectively, an immature culture or nation with a populace unwilling to investigate its collective conflicts will unconsciously project its rage onto others—and create an enemy. Collective, unconscious rage hopes for an outlet in war. The unconscious nation always idealises its position. The culture or nation says things such as ‘We can do no wrong,’ ‘We are favoured by God,’ and ‘We are always right and always the victim.’ Violence begins in defenses of the “noble” ideology of this self-righteous and immature view.

Only those of us who have healed our conflicted child within into maturity can approach conflict and an enemy in a nonreactive way. When an adult is healed, he or she possesses power, authority, and consciousness to confront the child within another with detachment. A conscious adult can approach a conflict, hear its issues, and resolve the matter in a safe, measured manner. If others become attacking, violent children, then our self-defence needs to remain detached, and not become an excuse to act out unconscious rage in return. Our police, our armies, and we ourselves need to approach self-defence in an enlightened manner.

There will be actual enemies and threats to our rights and security, but conscious confrontation and peaceful resolution of conflict is possible for adults who are emancipated from their conflicted child within. Healed adults seek conscious, diplomatic ways to address a foe. Fighting fire with fire is a last resort. Actualised adults needn’t brutalise each other or jeopardise their survival to resolve conflict, but can artfully, consciously, and efficiently convert a disturbance into peace.