Ego always tries to get something from the external world and is therefore externally oriented and eternally seeking recovery. But there is no recovery outside of time, since ego and time are synonymous. Therefore what the ego wants can never be accomplished, and it can only be an illusion that you are even in need of recovery.
In the context of trauma… the ego is seeking healing from trauma, by fixing itself (you). But this can never be accomplished.
You cannot fix the “old self” because there is not even any old self. There is just a disagreement between you (ego) and life. This disagreement consists of judging your own instinctive behaviour (natural impulses, wants, desires, needs, intentions) as sinful and guilty.
By judging your behaviour you make it possible to do ungodly things. Ungodly things always create pain and are always inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.
That is to say, the trauma and pain cannot change your real self.
By making choices that are natural and self-respectful, you disallow the illusion to keep creating new experiences for you. That is to say, the choices will be loving, whereas you will still be experiencing fear and worry about the outcomes, because you have not yet experienced what you really are.
The key ingredient of healing is not to want to do things that are outside the realm of possibility. The whole concept of ego is wanting to do things that (a) won’t work and (b) will not be consequential in establishing truth. So if you give up doing the stuff that is pointless anyway, you will automatically start healing.
Then, it is important to learn and remember what things are effective and what things are not. This is the study of the dynamics of life in the Stage.
In this study you will learn to distinguish between love and fear. You will learn about judgement and eventually you will learn about the pain that always results from judgement, and you will begin to see how much people hurt each other, every day, all day, all over the world, in every town, in every house, in every building, in every street, in every corner, in every aeroplane, in every train, in every bus, in every car, in every moment and in every place. once you begin to see and feel all the pain, you will naturally turn away from it, you will naturally decide you don’t want to have any part in that any more, no matter what it takes.
And there comes a day that it becomes impossible for you to do any thing that you do not want to do.
Because what people call “will power” is the ability to do things that you do not agree with. So as you become recovered you lose all willpower and you acquire a will that is flawless, consistent, effective, decisive, indiscriminate, clear and very very dependable.
So in the context of trauma I will say this:
It is not even real, your natural skills and abilities have always been sufficient. People have told you that you need to achieve things within certain time frames, that you need to be able to achieve certain results whenever required.
And the error lies in:
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- wanting to achieve things that cannot be achieved in that way and with those steps and in that circumstance because the self does not function in that way: the self would never try to achieve those unachievable things.
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